so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
