Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
