He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
