I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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