He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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