it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
