somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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