I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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