I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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