Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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