glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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