we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
