Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
