I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
