Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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