I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
