never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
two words...techno handjob
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
