I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
