just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
