im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize