I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
