forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
