did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize