next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
