i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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