it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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