I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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