I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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