I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize