Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
