from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
