so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
