you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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