Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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