I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i believe in u and ur pee
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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