I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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