you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
