can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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