today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
