Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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