My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
