U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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