I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
