I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
