I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
