grandma shit on top of the toilet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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