i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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