I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
