she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
