i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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