Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
