home. puking in laundry basket.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
