He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize