New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
