I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize