Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
