Are we in a gay sports bar?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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