everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Vodka?
Forever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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