I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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