i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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