You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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