1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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