Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
