420 ftw
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
