Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
