if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
