Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
whose ass print is on the piano?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
