did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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