How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
