i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
