id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
