I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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