Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
