She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
