I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
